How to Limit Contact With Your Ex-Spouse After Divorce in San Diego

Managing your life after divorce can be emotionally challenging, especially if your former spouse was abusive, controlling, or continues to engage in conflict. For many people in California, establishing strong post-divorce boundaries is essential not just for peace of mind, but for personal safety and the well-being of their children.

Whether you’re co-parenting or seeking to minimize all contact with an ex-spouse, there are legal tools and practical strategies that can help. Amelia Mattis is an experienced custody attorney in La Jolla at Mattis Law, A.P.C., and we understand the complexity of these situations and are here to support you every step of the way.

Why Limiting Contact After Divorce Matters

Even when a divorce decree is finalized, lingering emotional, financial, or parenting ties can continue to create friction. In cases where there’s a history of domestic violence, harassment, or manipulation, maintaining unnecessary contact can increase risk and re-traumatize survivors.

California family law acknowledges these realities and offers legal pathways to limit contact with an ex-spouse after divorce in California, especially when children are involved.

Legal Tools to Reduce or Restrict Contact

Restraining Orders (Domestic Violence Restraining Order – DVRO)

If your ex has harassed, threatened, stalked, or abused you, you can request a DVRO under California Family Code §§ 6200–6409. A DVRO can:

• Order your ex-spouse not to contact, harass, or approach you and your children
• Grant you temporary child custody
• Prevent your ex from going near your home, job, or school

The order can be extended for up to five years, and in some cases, made permanent.

Court-Ordered Communication Restrictions

Family courts can include specific communication rules in a custody or divorce order. These rules often require:

• Written-only communication (via email or text)
• Use of co-parenting apps like OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents
• No communication unless it’s about the child’s needs

These structured methods reduce the risk of verbal abuse and keep communication limited and documented.

Supervised Exchanges After Divorce: Creating a Safe Environment

When children are involved and safety is a concern, California courts may order supervised exchanges after divorce. This allows the child to transition between parents without the former spouses interacting.

Options for Supervised Exchanges

Supervised exchanges protect parents from confrontation and shield children from witnessing conflict.

• Neutral site exchanges at public places or designated visitation centers
• Third-party monitors for child exchanges, such as a trusted family member, social worker, or professional monitor

Supervised Visitation

When a parent’s behavior is dangerous or unstable, courts may also order supervised visitation, requiring a professional or third party to be present during parenting time. This protects the child’s safety and emotional well-being while preserving the other parent’s rights under court oversight.

Under California Family Code § 3200.5, a judge can mandate supervised visitation when there’s:

• A history of domestic violence
• Substance abuse
• Mental health concerns
• Risk of abduction

Third-Party Professionals: Managing High-Conflict Co-Parenting

In contentious or abusive situations, professionals can step in to help manage communication and reduce contact between ex-spouses.

Possible Intermediaries:

• Parenting coordinators: court-appointed specialists who help parents resolve disputes and ensure compliance with court orders
• Therapeutic visitation supervisors: professionals who monitor and support interactions during visits
• Attorneys or legal representatives: communicating through counsel can prevent direct contact altogether

Using third parties to coordinate logistics and facilitate discussions reduces the emotional strain and lowers the risk of escalations.

Court-Approved Parenting Plans That Prioritize Safety

A carefully crafted, court-approved parenting plan is key when co-parenting with domestic violence history. These plans can include:

• Clearly defined drop-off/pick-up schedules
• Stipulations for virtual communication only
• Preventions on unscheduled contact
• Rules on third-party involvement during exchanges

Judges often incorporate safeguards to keep the child out of divorce conflict, recognizing that exposure to ongoing hostility can harm a child’s development.

Plans created with input from legal counsel and child development experts can reduce confusion and stress while ensuring the child’s best interests remain the focus.

Tips for Setting Post-Divorce Boundaries

Even when there’s no court order in place, setting clear boundaries is critical. Here’s how you can protect yourself and maintain distance post-divorce:

Set Communication Limits

Use email or messaging platforms that allow you to:

• Save copies of interactions
• Respond only when necessary
• Avoid emotional triggers or reactive responses

Keep conversations strictly related to child-related logistics and avoid rehashing the past or personal matters.

Stick to the Parenting Plan

Consistency helps prevent manipulation. Follow court-ordered custody schedules and don’t accommodate last-minute changes unless necessary. Let the court deal with persistent violations.

Avoid In-Person Meetings

Whenever possible, let others handle hand-offs or meetings. You can:

• Coordinate through family or friends
• Use school drop-offs as exchange points
• Rely on supervised visitation or third-party monitors for child exchanges if the situation requires it

Document Everything

Keep records of every interaction, especially if harassment or boundary violations occur. Screenshots, emails, and witness statements may be used in future court proceedings if modifications are needed.

Co-Parenting With Safety and Compassion

When children are involved, it’s not always possible to cut off all contact with an ex-spouse. But that doesn’t mean you have to accept ongoing conflict or intimidation.

Best Practices for Co-Parenting Without Conflict:

• Keep conversations business-like and focused only on the child’s needs
• Do not use your child as a messenger
• Refrain from speaking negatively about your ex in front of your child
• Ensure your child knows they are not the cause of the divorce or any ongoing tension

Maintaining professional communication with an ex-spouse creates emotional stability for your children and shields them from unnecessary trauma.

When You Need to Modify a Custody Order

If your current custody or visitation orders no longer protect your safety or your child’s well-being, you have the right to seek modifications through the court.

Grounds for modification may include:

• Escalation in threats or harassment
• Violations of existing orders
• New evidence of abuse or danger
• Child showing signs of distress or fear

California courts always prioritize the child’s best interests, especially in high-conflict or dangerous environments. Do not wait to act if things have changed.

Speak With a Trusted Custody Attorney in San Diego

If you’re dealing with a high-conflict divorce or you need help with co-parenting, you don’t have to face this situation on your own. Amelia Mattis is a trusted marriage and custody lawyer who has been recognized as a Top 10 Family Law Attorney in California by the American Institute of Family Law Attorneys.

Your safety and your child’s welfare come first. Call a San Diego divorce lawyer at Mattis Law, A.P.C. at (858) 328-4400 to schedule a free consultation today.